There are two types of fear: Good Fear and Bad Fear.

You’re hiking through the woods, you turn a corner, and you stumble upon a bear. It’s drinking from a river and hasn’t noticed you yet.

In this moment, it’s the “Good Fear” that takes control of you:

“OOOOH CRAP! STOP STOP STOP! TUUUURN AROUND! WALK AWAY SLOWLY! DON’T LET IT HEAR YOU!”

You get away safely, get back to your car, and return home safely. You wake up the next day, give thanks that you’re still alive, then get ready to head to work.

Now you’re walking through the office, you turn a corner, and you stumble upon a coworker you’ve secretly loved for months but never spoke to. She’s drinking from a water fountain and hasn’t noticed you yet.

In this moment, it’s the “Bad Fear” that takes control of you:

“OOOOH CRAP! STOP STOP STOP! TUUUURN AROUND! WALK AWAY SLOWLY! DON’T LET HER HEAR YOU!”

The good fear is good, because it keeps you alive. The bad fear is bad, because it keeps you from living.

All the good things in life come when we overcome the bad fears- the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of embarrassment – and these fears are all present when we learn a foreign language.

We all know that the only way to learn a foreign language is to have lots of conversations with natives. But sometimes, approaching a native speaker for conversation can be as scary as approaching a wild bear for conversation.

So to inspire you to overcome this fear, I have a challenge for our favorite twin brothers (click here for details on this case study). They had to approach five random strangers in the streets of New York and San Francisco to try their basic Spanish skills on.

As we watch video footage of their interactions, I’ll remind us all of four important language learning truths…

Language-Learning Truth #1: There’s no avoiding strangers on the path to fluency.

 

Most adults already have established social networks. You have your family, and your friends from childhood, university, extracurricular activities, and work.

For this reason, most adults never have a strong reason to go outside their social networks to connect with complete strangers.

But if you want to achieve fluency in a foreign language, you’re gonna have to talk to strangers.

Think about it – if you only speak English, but you want to learn German, then you won’t have anyone to practice conversation with from your existing network.

Sure, you may have lots of multilingual friends, but you already established a relationship with them in your first language. For these types of relationships, it’s really difficult to switch to another language.

For conversation practice, you’ll need to build a completely new network of new people who speak your target language.

Many language learners try to ignore this truth. They think that they can reach fluency by staying in their comfort zone and only talking to people they already know.

But the language learners who thrive are the ones who put themselves out there to make friends with strangers in the foreign language.

Don’t worry, if you are a shy person and are more afraid of strangers than average, you can overcome that fear.

You just need to remember that you have no choice but to overcome it, AND you need to remember the next truth…

Language Learning Truth #2: Strangers are way less scary than you think

When I was a kid, I used to be terrified of speaking to strangers. When I went to McDonalds with my mom, she would make me order my food for myself, and I would be terrified.

“MOMMY!! PLEASE!! NOOOO!!!”

I remember always feeling silly about my histrionics afterwards. Why was I so afraid of ask someone for six chicken nuggets? What’s the worst that could possibly have happened?

Perhaps it came from all those commercials as a kid about not talking to strangers. That really got people paranoid.

That’s why it was nice for me to see how one of the “dangerous strangers” that Bryan spoke with was a little girl, with her mother.

Language Learning Truth #3: No one will hate you if you don’t understand Everything

 

If you’re conversing with someone in your first language, and they use a big word you don’t understand, what do you do?

Most people just nod their head and pretend like they understood. They would rather miss the point than risk “looking stupid.”

But some people will interrupt and politely ask “Sorry what does histrionics mean again?”

If the other person scoffs condescendingly and rolls his eyes, then that just means the guy’s an arrogant asshole. So who cares what he thinks? And what sort of toolbag uses the word “histrionics” in conversation anyways?  

In most cases, people will respect you for having the confidence to admit ignorance and ask the question.

The same goes for conversations in a foreign language.

If you’re a foreigner, only assholes will make you feel bad for not knowing words in their language. So if you don’t understand a word or phrase, then just ask!

The person will appreciate it, because it demonstrates that you actually care about what they are saying and you want to make sure you get it all.

The trick is to set expectations at the beginning. Memorize the translation for “I’m learning the language, so I might have to ask you what stuff means a lot. Please have patience.”

Language Learning Truth #4: A Good Accent is More Impressive Than Good Grammar

Have you heard a foreigner speaking your first language with an accent so strong that you couldn’t make out what he was saying?

When this happens, what kind of face do you make? Does it looks like the face above?

This is the face of “strain”. To decipher the person’s accent, you have to strain to listen- it’s a natural response.

Because it’s a natural response, you can’t be blamed for making this face. But this is the most confidence-draining facial expression in the world for a language learner.

When you see a face like that, you lose confidence, and your drop in confidence makes you speak even worse. Then you get stuck in the awful vicious cycle of poor speaking and nervousness.

By the end of it, you might be wishing for that bear to come along and end it all for good.

If you speak with a good accent, however, people won’t make this face at you, even if your grammar is wrong.

Imagine if someone came to you and said the following with a perfect American accent:

“Hello. I from Lithuania. I come America for…learn English. Your name, please…can tell me?”

His grammar is strange, but since you can clearly understand every single word, you don’t have to strain at all to understand.

So you naturally make a more friendly face when talking. A face that would put you at ease if the roles were reversed.

This is one of the reason why, in The Mimic Method, we train hearing and pronunciation before we train understanding and speaking.

When you take one of our programs, and you have your first native speaker compliment you on your accent, you’ll know exactly what I mean.

Listen to how the Tublin Twins describe their experience with this:

Most language-learning programs teach you to be grammatical perfectionists. Since it’s impossible to get grammar perfectly right at beginning, this perfectionism inhibits your speaking.

But remember, language is merely a tool for connecting with other humans.

Therefore, you should always focus on connection before correction.

Measure your success by how well you are getting your point across, not by how correctly you conjugated all the verbs.

Conclusion

How often do you speak with strangers? Either in your first language or a foreign one?

Are you shy? What’s the nature of your fear? What are some techniques you’ve learned to overcome your shyness when learning a language?

Let us know in the comments!